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What is the

Sexual Integrity

milestone?

Age 12 is an appropriate age for parents to ensure they have had intentional conversations regarding sexuality. This is why we've created the Sexual Integrity milestone. As parents, we want to help our pre-teens establish sexual boundaries for themselves before they face tempting or awkward situations.

The purpose of this resource is to offer practical ideas and resources to help you navigate the important conversations and questions on the near horizon. You can also refer to the additional resource to give you more tools.

Put It Into Practice

Having sexual integrity is much more than refraining from sex or heeding a list of “don’ts.” It is a positive, passionate existence that frees us to experience what God made us to enjoy. Sadly, our culture bombards kids with many opposing messages regarding sex. So, how can you help your teen live counter-culturally and experience the joy God intends for them?

  • Step One: Clarify the Standard
    • Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.” While Jesus Christ was the only person to live a life of total purity, He invites us to follow His example by fulfilling the purpose for which we were made. When it comes to sexuality, our children need to understand that their bodies belong to God and are to be used as an instrument of worship. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, “Flee from sexual immorality… your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you… You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 is another great passage to walk through with your teen, explaining God’s heart behind purity, and providing practical reminders for fighting sexual temptation.
  • Step Two: Focus on Holiness, Not Just Sex
    • While it is important to communicate that God's best for us is that we remain a virgin before marriage, living a "set apart" life is about much more than sex. Holiness involves every area of our lives. God has a great plan for our hearts, minds, and actions.
  • Step Three: Give a Positive Vision
    • Give a positive vision of the purpose and joy of sex in the context of marriage. Nothing gives a child a positive view of God’s design for romantic relationships like witnessing the love of parents who cherish one another and speak positively about the joys of marital intimacy.
  • Step Four: Delay Temptation
    • God made us with desires that are very good. But those desires can be awakened too early, so talk to your child about sex prior to opening the door to personal electronics and social media, and especially before allowing dating. Continue dialogue throughout their teen years. The topic can be awkward, so try to make the experience comfortable. That could mean scheduling a regular coffee date, or it might look like chatting while hunting, or attending a sports event. Find some context for keeping the lines of communication open.
  • Step Five: Pray for Them
    • Commit yourself as a parent to cover your child in prayer. Pray specifically over their relationships, their thought-life, and that they would honor God in all they say and do. Pray for a heart that is connected to Christ and a mind that is immersed in God-honoring things.

Next Steps

Here are some additional ways you can reinforce the importance of purity with your teen:

  • Write a letter to your child that paints a picture of the future you pray for them. Not a letter concerning what they will be, but who they will be. Share your heart and give them a vision of what God desires for them. After they have had the opportunity to read the letter, take time to listen to their thoughts regarding it.
  • Have your child write out what they want in a future spouse. Ask the following questions: What might this future spouse want from you in purity? What do you want from your future spouse?
  • Have your teen consider making some commitments to themselves regarding sexual integrity. Let them know that you would be honored if they would share those with you. Remember, this is their decision.

Additional Resources

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